Satirical political quiz UPDATE!!!

1. How do you feel about poor people?
A. I hate them because they're all too lazy to get jobs and they're a burden on society.
B. I love them! Rich people are idiots and they all hate the poor (this excludes rich liberals, by the way). I trust the government and only the government to help the poor.

2. When should it be legal to kill people (in cases other than self-defense), and whose job is it to kill people?
A. It's the government's job to kill people, and only if the people are evil. I trust the government to kill only evil people.
B. People can kill people whenever they want, as long as it's a medical thing involving one's own body to some extent (such as abortion or assisted suicide). The government cannot kill people, unless Obama's the president.

3. How do you feel about guns?
A. They're awesome and people have the right to use them whenever they think someone's dangerous, even if it's for some stupid reason like wearing a hoodie.
B. They're dangerous and should be completely illegal.

4. What causes violence?
A. Violent video games. 
B. Guns.

5. How do you feel about war?
A. War is wrong, but it's sometimes necessary. And by sometimes, I mean usually.
B. War is never okay! (Unless Obama says it is.)

6. Do you support gay marriage?
A. No! It destroys the sanctity of marriage and it hurts children and I only believe all that because of my religion. Anyone who supports it obviously wants to take away religious freedom.
B. Yes! Gay people are always being oppressed and they're the only ones who have problems, and Christians are evil for being homophobic. It's not the government's business who marries who, so the government should expand the definition of marriage so it includes gays.

7. Is birth control morally acceptable, or morally wrong?
A. It's morally wrong because it causes people to have premarital sex and it kills babies.
B. It's morally acceptable, and the government should pay for it!

8. How do you feel about government spending?
A. We should cut spending for everything except the military.
B. We should increase spending for everything except the military.

9. How should sex education be taught?
A. Abstinence-only. Teenagers shouldn't be taught the facts about birth control because it will give them the wrong message!
B. Sex should be portrayed as a good thing and abstinence should be portrayed as an unrealistic option for teens. The more Planned Parenthood gets involved, the better.

10. Who do you hate more, Muslims or Christians?
A. Muslims are all terrorists. Christians are being oppressed!
B. Christians are all backwards and homophobic. Muslims are being oppressed!

11. How do you feel about recreational drugs?
A. People who do drugs should be arrested. I totally support the war on people who use drugs.
B. Drugs are cool! But smoking is wrong and should be banned.

12. How do you feel about individual liberty?
A. I support it, but only if you're a conservative Christian, or if you're in charge of a large corporation. That means I think premarital sex (or any sex that's between two people of the same gender), drugs, not being a conservative Christian, burning the American flag, getting a sex change, and all those things should be strongly discouraged, if not illegal.
B. I support it, unless you're drinking soda, owning a gun, using plastic bags, shopping at Walmart, using lightbulbs that are bad for the environment...

13. How do you feel about education?
A. I prefer private education, but the government should pay for it.
B. I support public education and only public education. Public education is a right, even if it's crappy.

14. What do you think causes people to do evil things?
A. They were destined to be evil. That, or their parents didn't take them to church or spank them.
B. They were abused as children, which totally justifies criminal behavior. Unless it was a "hate crime."

15. How do you feel about animal rights?
A. Animals were created entirely for our use, so we have the right to torture them.
B. Animals are 100% equal to human beings. Therefore, eating meat should be strongly discouraged, if not illegal.

16. Is racial equality still an issue? Gender equality?
A. No, they are not. In fact, now we have reverse discrimination. Now white men are being oppressed.
B. Yes, therefore women and people of color should be used as voting blocks. Affirmative action is not racist. Also, if we made abortion completely legal and accessible, all the problems with sexism would be solved. So it's totally okay for Obama to tell women to "vote with their lady parts" because he's pro-choice.

17. What's more important, equality or prosperity?
A. Prosperity. But who cares if some people are poor? They probably definitely deserve it.
B. Equality. Even if we all live equally miserable lives.

18. Is privacy a constitutional right?
A. No. Privacy is for people who have something to hide.
B. Yes, but only if we're talking about sex and abortion. I only support spying on people if it's for leftist causes, or if Obama says it's okay.

19. Is it okay to have fun?
A. No! Any sort of fun is a sign of bad character, whether it's sex, drugs, listening to loud music, or whatever. People who want to have fun are obviously lazy and irresponsible.
B. Yes! Fun is the most important thing in life, even if it's dangerous.

If you answered mostly A's, you are a Republican.
If you answered mostly B's, you are a Democrat.
If you answered a mix of A's and B's, you are weird and will never find a political party that completely agrees with your views.
If you answered "none of the above" and said something that was actually reasonable, then you actually think about things, unlike most people.
If you mostly answered "I don't care," then you trust the government too much.

For further reading, read this (I must warn you, there's some bad language, but it's pretty funny and SO TRUE).