Purity culture and the sexual revolution... and why they are both harmful

I've noticed two extremes when people talk about sexual morality. There are the overly conservative (and almost always religious) people who advocate sexual "purity" and oppose premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, birth control, and any sexual act that doesn't directly relate to creating a new life. Then there are the people who are basically total libertines who advocate for complete sexual freedom, including prostitution, pornography, and abortion.
The former extreme already gets a lot of criticism from those who support freedom and equality. And I completely agree. This attitude is extremely harmful because it often involves shaming, misogyny, invasion of privacy, coercion, and a lack of important knowledge about sex. At worst, this attitude can lead to the punishment of rape victims, female genital mutilation, marital rape, and other horrible acts of violence against women. The emphasis on "purity" can in some cases distract people from the importance of consent, leading some people to believe that marital rape is morally acceptable, and that female rape victims are "impure" and should be punished in severe ways. One reason that female genital mutilation happens is because people believe it will "help" women so they won't be "tempted" to do anything sexual before marriage (and also because they're misogynistic sadists). People are still put in prison or even executed for engaging in certain sexual activities that their government considers to be deviant. And so on.
Still, the latter extreme can also have harmful effects. Although many of these people say they believe in consent, they may not draw attention to rape culture in areas that supposedly promote sexual freedom. For example, they may deny the horrible things that Planned Parenthood has done because they support Planned Parenthood's advocacy for sexual and reproductive freedom. They may also praise books like Fifty Shades of Grey for decreasing the stigma surrounding BDSM and female sexuality, even though Fifty Shades of Grey also glamorizes an unhealthy, abusive portrayal of BDSM. They may also encourage people to look at pornography and do things they're uncomfortable with ("seriously, if you don't enjoy _____, you have a serious problem"). THIS IS NOT OKAY.
I believe that people should take a different approach when discussing sexual morality. People should understand that, although they can have their own personal beliefs, it is not their business what consenting adults do (or don't do) in the bedroom. They should understand both the physical and emotional aspects of sexual health. Rather than placing emphasis on purity or freedom, we should emphasize the importance of mutual respect in a sexual relationship. Ideally, sex should be between consenting adults who truly love and respect each other. Why can't people understand that?